Final Dues

International · Expedited Entry Division · Est. MCMXCVI

Home  »  Fast Pass Upgrade  »  HELL PRIORITY

WHAT’S IN YOUR CASKET?

Most people are buried with nothing. A ring, perhaps. Nothing that clears a queue.

HELL PRIORITY — $666.00, once.
PRESENT THIS WAY FINAL DUES EXPEDITED ENTRY PASS PRIORITY ENTRANCE · HELL FP-D-666

Navigation

Assurance

HELL PRIORITY

Why wait in the standby line when your arrival can be guaranteed?

The Final Dues Fast Pass Upgrade allows you to bypass standard admission queues and access a dedicated priority entrance upon your arrival at the gates. Designed for those who value efficiency and seamless transitions, this premium upgrade ensures your final entry process is expedited and entirely uninterrupted.

The Credential — Reverse

NOTHING ON THIS CARD IS MACHINE READABLE There is no stripe and no code, because there is nothing atthe gate to read one. What you paid for, and when you paid it,is already known there. This card is not how they find out. Itis how you carry it. RETURN WINDOW VALID FROM YOUR ARRIVAL VALID UNTIL NO EXPIRY HOLDER SIGNATURE Non-transferable once issued. Not a boarding document. Clears the priorityentrance only; what occurs beyond it is at the discretion of the receivingadministration. All sales final.

Actual credential · FP-D-666 · issued in the holder’s name

Standing Schedule

$666.00

One-time · shipping included · no expiry

The Fast Pass Upgrade is charged at the standing schedule. The closing-period markdown applies to admission only — it has never applied to the priority lane, and it does not now.

Specification

ShippingIncluded. Posted to 38 countries, tracked.
ShipsAssembled, framed and posted. Allow 2–3 weeks.
ContentsEntry pass, clearance key set, certificate, shadow box frame.
Named holderRequired. Engraved, and not changeable once cut.
AdmissionIncluded. A ticket is issued with the upgrade unless you link one you already hold.
Redemption windowUnlimited. No expiry.
SettlementFinal. No refunds on a change of mind. Remade or refunded if it arrives damaged or not at all.
RecordRecorded privately. Your address is never published.
Issuing entityUnsubscribe NYC LLC, by decree of the Church of Conceptual Art

YOUR MEMBER BENEFITS

✓ Priority clearance
Dedicated entrance. You are expected rather than assessed.
✓ No annual fee
There is no annual anything. One payment, then nothing, forever.
✓ No expiry date
Cards expire. This does not. Neither does the arrangement behind it.
✓ Accepted at one gate
Which is one more than most people arrive holding.
✓ Framed for display
Mounted and glazed before it ships. It hangs on a wall until needed.

“I have processed arrivals for a very long time. I can tell at a glance who settled up and who is about to explain themselves. Do not be the second one.”

A GATE ATTENDANT
Name withheld · Receiving Administration

Order Form

Engraved on the physical pass and printed on the certificate. There is no bearer option on this lane — a shadow box has to be addressed to someone.

Optional, and it changes what you get. Paste the link from a ticket you already hold and the upgrade is recorded against it. Leave it blank and admission is issued with the upgrade — a new entry in the public record, in the name above, for the gate you choose. Either way you end up holding both.

Shipping address is collected on the payment page. The package is assembled, framed and posted; nothing here is downloaded.

Standard admission to Hell remains available at $6.66. The upgrade is not required for entry.

Secure Ordering Church Sanctioned Est. MCMXCVI Best Viewed at 800×600

 Religiously sanctioned by the Church of Conceptual Art. 

Proceeds support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art.

Not a credit product. No line of credit is extended, no interest accrues and no credit check is performed. The Fast Pass Upgrade is a physical article, paid for once, in full, in advance.

Enquiries received: 00000666

Concept and execution by Unsubscribe NYC LLC, issued by decree of the Church of Conceptual Art. All rights reserved.
Terms · Privacy · support@finaldues.com