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International · Expedited Entry Division · Est. MCMXCVI

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WHAT’S IN YOUR CASKET?

Most people are buried with nothing. A ring, perhaps. Nothing that clears a queue.

Three lanes — from $666.00, once.
PRESENT THIS WAY FINAL DUES EXPEDITED ENTRY PASS PRIORITY ENTRANCE · HEAVEN FP-H-777 PRESENT THIS WAY FINAL DUES EXPEDITED ENTRY PASS PRIORITY ENTRANCE · HELL FP-D-666

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Assurance

Compare the three lanes

Why wait in the standby line when your arrival can be guaranteed?

Lane Clears Ships Standing schedule Select
HEAVEN PRIORITY FP-H-777 Dedicated priority entrance at the gate of Heaven. One credential, one key set, framed $777.00
HELL PRIORITY FP-D-666 Dedicated priority entrance at the gate of Hell. One credential, one key set, framed $666.00
BOTH GATES FP-HD-1443 Priority clearance at whichever gate you arrive at. Both credentials, both key sets, in one frame $1,443.00

The both-gates upgrade ships both cards, in one frame. The gates are not interchangeable and neither are their credentials.

The Fast Pass Upgrade is charged at the standing schedule. The closing-period markdown applies to admission only — it has never applied to the priority lane, and it does not now.

YOUR MEMBER BENEFITS

✓ Priority clearance
Dedicated entrance. You are expected rather than assessed.
✓ No annual fee
There is no annual anything. One payment, then nothing, forever.
✓ No expiry date
Cards expire. This does not. Neither does the arrangement behind it.
✓ Accepted at one gate
Which is one more than most people arrive holding.
✓ Framed for display
Mounted and glazed before it ships. It hangs on a wall until needed.

Order Form

Engraved on the physical pass and printed on the certificate. There is no bearer option on this lane — a shadow box has to be addressed to someone.

Optional, and it changes what you get. Paste the link from a ticket you already hold and the upgrade is recorded against it. Leave it blank and admission is issued with the upgrade — a new entry in the public record, in the name above, for the gate you choose. Either way you end up holding both.

Shipping address is collected on the payment page. The package is assembled, framed and posted; nothing here is downloaded. Choose a lane in the table above to order.

Standard admission remains available at $6.66 and $7.77. The upgrade is not required for entry.

Secure Ordering Church Sanctioned Est. MCMXCVI Best Viewed at 800×600

 Religiously sanctioned by the Church of Conceptual Art. 

Proceeds support the missions of the Church of Conceptual Art.

Not a credit product. No line of credit is extended, no interest accrues and no credit check is performed. The Fast Pass Upgrade is a physical article, paid for once, in full, in advance.

Enquiries received: 00008443

Concept and execution by Unsubscribe NYC LLC, issued by decree of the Church of Conceptual Art. All rights reserved.
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